Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
