worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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