Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
