Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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