the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
