He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my liver is dry heaving
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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