My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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