At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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