Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
