I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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