I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
