Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
