Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
