Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
