apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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