We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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