Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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