My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you never un-have a 4some
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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