So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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