She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
