i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
