i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
