I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
