I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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