This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
