guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
