Dual....:-)
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
