He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
