the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
