this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
