I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
