Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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