I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
