But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
