I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
