Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
