I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
