Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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