May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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