I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize