yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
