Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
