that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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