On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
