I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
