You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
