Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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