Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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