I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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