When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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