a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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