I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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