A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
