are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
