Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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