I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i permit you to call me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you will always have a special place in my vag
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dick very happy bro
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
