Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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