Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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