So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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