the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
