I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
