I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
