What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
