drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
