To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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