I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
