it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
