her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
