so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
