just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
